Maybe Angels 15/?? ~ Dark and Mysterious
Feb. 8th, 2008 01:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
makotosagaraTitle: Maybe Angels Part 15/?? ~ Dark And Mysterious
Author: Makoto Sagara
Archives: the usual suspects; anywhere else, just ask
Category: Supernatural, Angst, Romance
Pairing(s): 2+5, 1+2, 3+1, 4+3, 4+2, H+4, 6+9, S+C, R+OC, 5+R (friendship), 13x5, eventual 2x5x2
Rating: T (13+)
Warnings: Shonen ai, OOC, AU, language, skewed views of a few different religions
Disclaimers: (sigh) No part of Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, or its characters, belongs to me. Any references to Dogma are just made because I adore the movie and Kevin Smith, and are meant only out of love and affection for both. Not a single cent was made off of this piece of fanfiction. Suing would be inevitably pointless, seeing as how I have no money. Flames -will- be used to entertain my rabid muses... All three of them... They live for the things.
A/N: I'm really sorry that it takes me so long to update. Real life sucks like that. I don't want to go into it, but if you'd like to complain about my update time. Try reading a Mel&Christy fic. Or Changing Allegiances by Christy and Ashkara... Man, updates on those have taken years. :(
Symbols: -- change in scene, POV, or time
--- Minor change in scene or flashback
- Blah - in mind communication
-Blah- emphasized words
-------------------------
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
~ Siberia, Backstreet Boys
-----------------
Dark And Mysterious
To say that Wufei's news was shocking would have been an understatement. I was speechless and heart-broken. -My- Wufei, the child that I'd loved and risked so much for, was dabbling with aristocratic slime. I mean, really, a date? With Treize? Could he have hurt me anymore? Not only was the boy leaving himself open to the persuasion and perversions of the manipulating man, but he was dooming me to association with Dionyzial.
I used all the power I could muster to shield my mind and fade out of Wufei's visual sphere and waited. There was no need for my charge to see the violence of my reaction. I wanted, I needed for him to believe that I was perfectly happy for him. I wasn't supposed to interfer or show a personal opinion for whom my charge was involved with romantically. With this one, I just couldn't, or didn't want to distance myself that way. So, I had to hide and refrain from talking about it.
- Duo, are you there? - I could feel his mild worry for me, but I still didn't trust myself to respond just yet. I even ignored the tug on our connection that he'd become all to used to pulling on when he wanted me near him.
"Your thoughts betray you, Beloved." I tensed even farther at the soft, caressing and familiar voice.
"You can't read my thoughts, Daemon," I replied.
"Why would I need that ludicrous ability when your face is like an open book to me, Duo?" He was whispering in my ear, his bat-like wings softly stroking my arms. "I have so missed that about you. That and your beautiful eyes."
The well-known tone and sensation was eating away at my weakened resolve temporarily. "You're rather bold to show up now. The Morning Star and Michael are both seeking you. Lady Lilith has words for you, Soliriel."
He laughed darkly. "Let them search. I fear their wrath not. I need only you, Diachriel." He finally showed himself before me in all his dark glory, his cold black eyes inches from my own. "You're so full of jealousy, hatred, confusion, indecision, and self-loathing. Completely fixated this time, aren't you? He's much more of a hinderance than Ghandi ever was." He leaned in even more, so he was flush against me, his lips and teeth nibbling my right earlobe. "That's why it will be so much fun to take him away."
In a blind rage, I shoved him off of me with a scream, ready to attack. "You'll stay away from him!"
"Or what?" He was cool and calm against my blazing fury.
"You'll cease to exist!"
"I welcome the challenge, Beloved." He shook his wings and laughed again. "I've stayed too long I fear. Until next time."
No sooner had he disappeared than Lilith made a special effort to make sure her presence was known. "Damn him," she cursed, curling her long, red nails into a fist. She stomped her feet like a petulant child, creasing her previously perfect ensemble as her breasts heaved in anger. "He was here, Diachriel. I can smell him all over you, like bad cologne. What did he say?"
"What a fine nose you have indeed, Lady Lilith, if you can smell that."
"I don't have time for your games, Angel. Tell me where he is."
"Gone."
"Where?!"
"Do you -really- think that if I knew, he'd still be alive? I don't know." I was near the boiling point right then.
She leaned in close and started at me long and hard. Then, a twisted smile came across her deceptively beautiful face. "No, I don't think he would." She then smoothed out her dress and hair. "Watch yourself, Diachriel. Angels can still Fall, even now." With that, she was gone.
"Wise words from the she-devil, Diachriel," a gentle voice spoke from out of nowhere.
"What is this, 'Pick on Diachriel Day'?" I asked sarcastically.
"Hardly," the Archangel, Michael, said. "The daemon is your former soul-companion. It stands to reason that with his obsessive beahaviour sooner or later he would begin stalking you." All that was visible of God's Bounty Hunter/Avenging Angel was his brown hair curling softly around his ruggedly handsome face.
"So, you mean to tell me that God Herself gave you the okay to use me as bait?"
"You are welcome to lodge a complaint with The Voice."
"Yes, because Enoch was such a reasonable man when he was on Earth." I scoffed, my fury settling back down to slow burn.
"Metatron's personality is hardly my concern. You are aware of why I'm here, no doubt."
"Um, yeah, you're using me to trap Soliriel."
"Correct. The Chang boy has extra protection at this time, both for the safety of his life and your own. See that your emotions do not cause either of you unnecessary grief." He paused and an actual expression showed on his face, that of worry. "Diachriel, I would caution you again to remember what the she-demon said. None of us are safe from Falling, if we let ourselves become slaves to our baser facilities."
"I am awake, Michael."
"Good day to you. No doubt your charge will want to know why you haven't responded to him." And then he was gone as well.
- Wufei? - I was still leary of letting him see me, so I just used our link instead.
- Ah, so, you are there, - the boy thought dryly in my direction.
- I am extremely sorry. Something came up. -
- Something you wish not to speak of? -
- I'd rather not. -
- I see... - He glanced at the ancient wind-up clock on his desk. - It seems that I only have a few hours to do my homework before I have to leave for my study group. -
- If you don't tell Relena and she finds out from a different source, she'll disown you. -
- One could only hope, - he sighed. I laughed at the eye roll he did as he reached for the phone to call his best friend.
-------------------------------------
"So, the important college man finally calls his pathetic high school friend back," Relena quipped when she answered.
"Sorry for losing myself..."
"...in my studies," she finished for him. "It's alright, Wufei. After seventeen years of friendship, I'm used to it."
"You should thank me for graduating early, as it has allowed you to become valedictorian."
"Oh, thank you, oh wise Wufei, for leaving early and not making me salutatorian," she cracked, trying not to giggle. "That good enough for you?"
"Die, woman."
"That's a yes. So, to what do I owe this honor?"
"I am trying to catch you up, Relena."
"I'm all ears then."
---------------------------------------
The two friends were still talking two hours later when Wufei noticed the time. "Tsao, I just missed my Biology study group."
"You're a genius at Biology. You can afford to miss one study group," Relena pointed out. There was a very pregnant pause as you could hear the wheels turning in her head. "Okay, what's his name?"
"What?"
"Please, Wufei, you may have fooled Hiroshi and your family, but I've known you preferred guys since we were twelve and watched that movie about Robin Hood." She laughed as Wufei tried to deny everything. "You amuse me. Give it up. You're not fooling me, buddy."
"I hate you," the Chinese boy growled.
"Sure you do. Gonna tell me about him or should I have Daddy's security trail you and find out for me"?
- I don't think she's joking, - I warned him. I was impressed by the girl's intelligence, but I was a little depressed by the prospect of hearing Wufei brag about Treize's charms. - Excuse me, - I barely sent out as I left the room. I nearly bumped into Hilde out in the hallway, who was hovering outside Meiran's room.
"Hi, Duo! How is Wufei now? Was that Michael earlier?"
"He's fine. He and Relena are catching up. And yes, that was Michael. He's out hunting Solo, along with Lilith it seems."
"I just don't understand why Lilith ghough. Wouldn't someone like Olivier(1) or even one of the Fallen Seraphim, such as Odin, be better?"
"Well, Lilith -is- Olivier's second in command for the Fallen Archangels." Which means to everyone else that she was equal to Raphael in Hell's domain, and Olivier, Prince of Archangels, was Michael's equivilent.
"I suppose so, but Michael's been sent out? Things are getting more dangerous by the moment."
"You have no idea," I muttered, letting myself slide to the floor via the wall. "Bring me up to date."
------------------
A lot of what Hilde told me was things I already knew from my spying: Wufei had started classes at university, Meiran and Hiroshi were dating, Relena was looking at being valedictorian while she was student body president of the school, and Yukari had pulled away from the other four since that long ago dance in middle school where Wufei had gone with Relena.Any time there was a social obligation, Wufei and Relena accompanied each other. The general concensus was that the best friends were a couple, but that the girl was only with him because Hiroshi was dating someone else.
Heero and Trowa were overheard discussing the possibility of future bonding. Cathy and Sally were happy with one another, but no talk of a bonding yet. Hilde and Quatre were as strong as ever. Jean-Paul and Giselle had acclimated extremely well with the others. I was pitied for Wufei's choice of interest, only because it meant that I was stuck with the -lovely- Dorothy.
Gotta tell you, finding out that I was an object of pity didn't exactly make me happy. Or make my heartbreak any easier to swallow. In fact, when Hilde started talked about anything to do with Wufei, I felt a lurch in my soul and a flare of anger and jealousy at the mention of Treize. I suppose Hilde could tell that my emotions were in turmoil because after a while, she just stared at me. "Duo?" she asked apprehensively.
I shook my head to gather my thoughts and force a deceptively comfortable joker's mask on my face. "Yeah, Hill?"
"We don't have to talk about this anymore."
"I know. It's okay."
"There's a reason Michael was here, isn't there? Like Solo?" I nodded, letting a bit of the manic slip from my face. "Lilith too."
"Angel's wings," I cursed.(note here about how angels can't really curse like humans can) "Am I really that easy to read?"
"No, not really. For a very, very long time, I wondered how you didn't break when... when... after The Fall. I see now that you did, but you used your human charges to cover it up." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "It wasn't until Gandhi that your mask began to crack."
"It was the first time I'd ever let myself truly feel for a charge," I stated quietly.
"I know that." She brushed a few of short black strands of hair out of her eyes. "The others still see you as teh clown, so this moodiness is kinda scary for them."
"How do you see me then?"
"You're in love with Wufei." She laughed when I gasped in surprise. "Hey, I've had enough charges to know unrequited love when I see it. I think that's why you sympathize with Relena so much. She and you are in similar situations." Hilde leaned over, hugged me tightly, and then stood up. "Think about that for a bit."
I nodded again from the floor, sighing in relief as I felt the other angel leave. I was finally, truly alone. The total lack of another presence was comforting and a tiny bit terrifying. In Heaven, God's everywhere. You can't escape omnipresence. Guess that's why she has it. On Earth, I could still feel Her, but then I had my charges too.
However, Hilde was a lot smarter than I'd previously given her credit for being. I wasn't just enamoured with my gorgeous charge. I was consumed with desire for him. And what separated me from Solo at that point was I still had a conscious need and desire for God's love and approval. Maybe that's all that has ever separated the bad from the good.
My musings were disrupted by the children's aunt calling them down to dinner. Quickly, I picked myself off and followed Wufei. Tao-Mee looked absolutely radiant, completely the opposite of when I had seen her any time before then, as she served her small family. She wasn't the only one either. You could have gotten radiation poisoning from every face at the table. Disgusted at myself, I stayed as far as I dared to be for Wufei's safety.
----------------------------------------------------------
The next three days were some of the most difficult for me. While I was trying to process my feelings, Wufei was just about the happiest since he was a baby. So, add his multiplied happiness to my self-pity, anger, and jealousy, and I was a right mess. I tried my best to numb myself to evertyhing. I was fairly certain that Dorothy was there, trying to get some soft of reaction from me, but all I could think about was the way things were before The Fall with Solo and the times I'd been around Wufei when he was a beautifully enigmatic child.
I can't help but smile even now when I think about Solo and I as we once were. But, I believe it's more of a sad, whimsical smile. Not at all like the full-on glow that takes me over whenever I am with or think about my love. Once, when talking, I equated Solo to my first love and Wufei as the most important...
...Okay, I'm a sap at heart. I'll admit it...
But, back to the story...
Finally, Friday arrived and Wufei was nervous over the way dinner would go, so Relena was over to calm him down. It wasn't really helping, as the boy was pacing trenches in his floor.
"Ugh, 'Fei, stop that," she said, getting up from his bed and placing her hands on his shoulders. "I have an idea."
"Hm?" he asked distractedly.
"Show me the new steps you're perfecting. I need something else to mess up."
The boy shook his head in mock misery. "Fine, but you will just mess it up too horribly to recognize." He took a few seconds to loosen up his muscles and then demonstrated a flawless execution of flowing kicks and punches, his body easing into the motions. He ended the whole gorgeous spectacle with a deep bow to the small replica of the dragon that was his family's guardian in the far corner of his room.
"Beautiful," Relena whispered.
- I agree, - I dared to think to him.
"Thank you," he responded. - Both of you. - "So, how badly will you mess this up?"
Oh, and that she did, but she was good natured about her failure. Wufei turned out to be a wise, patient and capable teacher as well. By the time Relena had gotten the timing and movements down, she was starting to resemble a slight mimic of her friend. Except when she looked over at the clock.
"'Fei, look at the time," she said from the floor, where she'd ended up after tripping herself. "You'd better get ready, or you'll miss your date." The last word was hardly out of her mouth as the door to the adjoining bathroom was slammed shut in her face. Shaking her head in amusement, she shouted good luck before she left.
I wanted to leave with her and an unusually pensive Noin. The other angel was quiet and didn't try to intrude into my broody mood. Part of me wondered if Hilde had gone back to Heaven and told the others to leave me alone or if they'd just decided that amongst themselves, since my sudden "moodiness" was scary to them. Either way, Ithere was very little contact with me since Solo's latest appearance. I felt like an outcast on one hand, but, on the other, I was enjoying the solitude I was being afforded. Actually, I wanted to be anywhere than next to Wufei that night.
No such luck existed for me though. Wufei reappeared in nothing but a towel wrapped around his slim hips, water clinging in droplets on his arms and chest, and dripping from his long, beautiful black hair. Just the sight of his nearly flawless golden skin in all of its wet magnifigence was enough to bring back the disturbing lack of self-control, the desire to touch him. With a silent roar, I left. To be anywhere but there was what I wanted. It was hell enough to have to watch him with Treize, but to watch him every second, especially at times like that, was just the icing on the unbearable cake.
Hilde was so wrong, and Solo was so right. I wasn't in love. I was consumed by my obsession for Wufei.
Even being as far as I could from my charge and his date didn't spare me the agony. I was too late. He was already falling in love.
TBC
Author: Makoto Sagara
Archives: the usual suspects; anywhere else, just ask
Category: Supernatural, Angst, Romance
Pairing(s): 2+5, 1+2, 3+1, 4+3, 4+2, H+4, 6+9, S+C, R+OC, 5+R (friendship), 13x5, eventual 2x5x2
Rating: T (13+)
Warnings: Shonen ai, OOC, AU, language, skewed views of a few different religions
Disclaimers: (sigh) No part of Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, or its characters, belongs to me. Any references to Dogma are just made because I adore the movie and Kevin Smith, and are meant only out of love and affection for both. Not a single cent was made off of this piece of fanfiction. Suing would be inevitably pointless, seeing as how I have no money. Flames -will- be used to entertain my rabid muses... All three of them... They live for the things.
A/N: I'm really sorry that it takes me so long to update. Real life sucks like that. I don't want to go into it, but if you'd like to complain about my update time. Try reading a Mel&Christy fic. Or Changing Allegiances by Christy and Ashkara... Man, updates on those have taken years. :(
Symbols: -- change in scene, POV, or time
--- Minor change in scene or flashback
- Blah - in mind communication
-Blah- emphasized words
-------------------------
I was drifted in between
Like I was on the outside looking in, yeah yeah
In my dreams you are still here
Like you've always been
Oh yeah, my heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
I gave myself away completely
But you just couldn't see me
Though I was sleeping in your bed
'Cause someone else was on your mind
In your head
My heart did time in Siberia
Was waiting for the lie to come true
'Cause it's all so dark and mysterious
When the one you want doesn't want you too
When the one that you want doesn't want you
~ Siberia, Backstreet Boys
-----------------
Dark And Mysterious
To say that Wufei's news was shocking would have been an understatement. I was speechless and heart-broken. -My- Wufei, the child that I'd loved and risked so much for, was dabbling with aristocratic slime. I mean, really, a date? With Treize? Could he have hurt me anymore? Not only was the boy leaving himself open to the persuasion and perversions of the manipulating man, but he was dooming me to association with Dionyzial.
I used all the power I could muster to shield my mind and fade out of Wufei's visual sphere and waited. There was no need for my charge to see the violence of my reaction. I wanted, I needed for him to believe that I was perfectly happy for him. I wasn't supposed to interfer or show a personal opinion for whom my charge was involved with romantically. With this one, I just couldn't, or didn't want to distance myself that way. So, I had to hide and refrain from talking about it.
- Duo, are you there? - I could feel his mild worry for me, but I still didn't trust myself to respond just yet. I even ignored the tug on our connection that he'd become all to used to pulling on when he wanted me near him.
"Your thoughts betray you, Beloved." I tensed even farther at the soft, caressing and familiar voice.
"You can't read my thoughts, Daemon," I replied.
"Why would I need that ludicrous ability when your face is like an open book to me, Duo?" He was whispering in my ear, his bat-like wings softly stroking my arms. "I have so missed that about you. That and your beautiful eyes."
The well-known tone and sensation was eating away at my weakened resolve temporarily. "You're rather bold to show up now. The Morning Star and Michael are both seeking you. Lady Lilith has words for you, Soliriel."
He laughed darkly. "Let them search. I fear their wrath not. I need only you, Diachriel." He finally showed himself before me in all his dark glory, his cold black eyes inches from my own. "You're so full of jealousy, hatred, confusion, indecision, and self-loathing. Completely fixated this time, aren't you? He's much more of a hinderance than Ghandi ever was." He leaned in even more, so he was flush against me, his lips and teeth nibbling my right earlobe. "That's why it will be so much fun to take him away."
In a blind rage, I shoved him off of me with a scream, ready to attack. "You'll stay away from him!"
"Or what?" He was cool and calm against my blazing fury.
"You'll cease to exist!"
"I welcome the challenge, Beloved." He shook his wings and laughed again. "I've stayed too long I fear. Until next time."
No sooner had he disappeared than Lilith made a special effort to make sure her presence was known. "Damn him," she cursed, curling her long, red nails into a fist. She stomped her feet like a petulant child, creasing her previously perfect ensemble as her breasts heaved in anger. "He was here, Diachriel. I can smell him all over you, like bad cologne. What did he say?"
"What a fine nose you have indeed, Lady Lilith, if you can smell that."
"I don't have time for your games, Angel. Tell me where he is."
"Gone."
"Where?!"
"Do you -really- think that if I knew, he'd still be alive? I don't know." I was near the boiling point right then.
She leaned in close and started at me long and hard. Then, a twisted smile came across her deceptively beautiful face. "No, I don't think he would." She then smoothed out her dress and hair. "Watch yourself, Diachriel. Angels can still Fall, even now." With that, she was gone.
"Wise words from the she-devil, Diachriel," a gentle voice spoke from out of nowhere.
"What is this, 'Pick on Diachriel Day'?" I asked sarcastically.
"Hardly," the Archangel, Michael, said. "The daemon is your former soul-companion. It stands to reason that with his obsessive beahaviour sooner or later he would begin stalking you." All that was visible of God's Bounty Hunter/Avenging Angel was his brown hair curling softly around his ruggedly handsome face.
"So, you mean to tell me that God Herself gave you the okay to use me as bait?"
"You are welcome to lodge a complaint with The Voice."
"Yes, because Enoch was such a reasonable man when he was on Earth." I scoffed, my fury settling back down to slow burn.
"Metatron's personality is hardly my concern. You are aware of why I'm here, no doubt."
"Um, yeah, you're using me to trap Soliriel."
"Correct. The Chang boy has extra protection at this time, both for the safety of his life and your own. See that your emotions do not cause either of you unnecessary grief." He paused and an actual expression showed on his face, that of worry. "Diachriel, I would caution you again to remember what the she-demon said. None of us are safe from Falling, if we let ourselves become slaves to our baser facilities."
"I am awake, Michael."
"Good day to you. No doubt your charge will want to know why you haven't responded to him." And then he was gone as well.
- Wufei? - I was still leary of letting him see me, so I just used our link instead.
- Ah, so, you are there, - the boy thought dryly in my direction.
- I am extremely sorry. Something came up. -
- Something you wish not to speak of? -
- I'd rather not. -
- I see... - He glanced at the ancient wind-up clock on his desk. - It seems that I only have a few hours to do my homework before I have to leave for my study group. -
- If you don't tell Relena and she finds out from a different source, she'll disown you. -
- One could only hope, - he sighed. I laughed at the eye roll he did as he reached for the phone to call his best friend.
-------------------------------------
"So, the important college man finally calls his pathetic high school friend back," Relena quipped when she answered.
"Sorry for losing myself..."
"...in my studies," she finished for him. "It's alright, Wufei. After seventeen years of friendship, I'm used to it."
"You should thank me for graduating early, as it has allowed you to become valedictorian."
"Oh, thank you, oh wise Wufei, for leaving early and not making me salutatorian," she cracked, trying not to giggle. "That good enough for you?"
"Die, woman."
"That's a yes. So, to what do I owe this honor?"
"I am trying to catch you up, Relena."
"I'm all ears then."
---------------------------------------
The two friends were still talking two hours later when Wufei noticed the time. "Tsao, I just missed my Biology study group."
"You're a genius at Biology. You can afford to miss one study group," Relena pointed out. There was a very pregnant pause as you could hear the wheels turning in her head. "Okay, what's his name?"
"What?"
"Please, Wufei, you may have fooled Hiroshi and your family, but I've known you preferred guys since we were twelve and watched that movie about Robin Hood." She laughed as Wufei tried to deny everything. "You amuse me. Give it up. You're not fooling me, buddy."
"I hate you," the Chinese boy growled.
"Sure you do. Gonna tell me about him or should I have Daddy's security trail you and find out for me"?
- I don't think she's joking, - I warned him. I was impressed by the girl's intelligence, but I was a little depressed by the prospect of hearing Wufei brag about Treize's charms. - Excuse me, - I barely sent out as I left the room. I nearly bumped into Hilde out in the hallway, who was hovering outside Meiran's room.
"Hi, Duo! How is Wufei now? Was that Michael earlier?"
"He's fine. He and Relena are catching up. And yes, that was Michael. He's out hunting Solo, along with Lilith it seems."
"I just don't understand why Lilith ghough. Wouldn't someone like Olivier(1) or even one of the Fallen Seraphim, such as Odin, be better?"
"Well, Lilith -is- Olivier's second in command for the Fallen Archangels." Which means to everyone else that she was equal to Raphael in Hell's domain, and Olivier, Prince of Archangels, was Michael's equivilent.
"I suppose so, but Michael's been sent out? Things are getting more dangerous by the moment."
"You have no idea," I muttered, letting myself slide to the floor via the wall. "Bring me up to date."
------------------
A lot of what Hilde told me was things I already knew from my spying: Wufei had started classes at university, Meiran and Hiroshi were dating, Relena was looking at being valedictorian while she was student body president of the school, and Yukari had pulled away from the other four since that long ago dance in middle school where Wufei had gone with Relena.Any time there was a social obligation, Wufei and Relena accompanied each other. The general concensus was that the best friends were a couple, but that the girl was only with him because Hiroshi was dating someone else.
Heero and Trowa were overheard discussing the possibility of future bonding. Cathy and Sally were happy with one another, but no talk of a bonding yet. Hilde and Quatre were as strong as ever. Jean-Paul and Giselle had acclimated extremely well with the others. I was pitied for Wufei's choice of interest, only because it meant that I was stuck with the -lovely- Dorothy.
Gotta tell you, finding out that I was an object of pity didn't exactly make me happy. Or make my heartbreak any easier to swallow. In fact, when Hilde started talked about anything to do with Wufei, I felt a lurch in my soul and a flare of anger and jealousy at the mention of Treize. I suppose Hilde could tell that my emotions were in turmoil because after a while, she just stared at me. "Duo?" she asked apprehensively.
I shook my head to gather my thoughts and force a deceptively comfortable joker's mask on my face. "Yeah, Hill?"
"We don't have to talk about this anymore."
"I know. It's okay."
"There's a reason Michael was here, isn't there? Like Solo?" I nodded, letting a bit of the manic slip from my face. "Lilith too."
"Angel's wings," I cursed.(note here about how angels can't really curse like humans can) "Am I really that easy to read?"
"No, not really. For a very, very long time, I wondered how you didn't break when... when... after The Fall. I see now that you did, but you used your human charges to cover it up." She wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "It wasn't until Gandhi that your mask began to crack."
"It was the first time I'd ever let myself truly feel for a charge," I stated quietly.
"I know that." She brushed a few of short black strands of hair out of her eyes. "The others still see you as teh clown, so this moodiness is kinda scary for them."
"How do you see me then?"
"You're in love with Wufei." She laughed when I gasped in surprise. "Hey, I've had enough charges to know unrequited love when I see it. I think that's why you sympathize with Relena so much. She and you are in similar situations." Hilde leaned over, hugged me tightly, and then stood up. "Think about that for a bit."
I nodded again from the floor, sighing in relief as I felt the other angel leave. I was finally, truly alone. The total lack of another presence was comforting and a tiny bit terrifying. In Heaven, God's everywhere. You can't escape omnipresence. Guess that's why she has it. On Earth, I could still feel Her, but then I had my charges too.
However, Hilde was a lot smarter than I'd previously given her credit for being. I wasn't just enamoured with my gorgeous charge. I was consumed with desire for him. And what separated me from Solo at that point was I still had a conscious need and desire for God's love and approval. Maybe that's all that has ever separated the bad from the good.
My musings were disrupted by the children's aunt calling them down to dinner. Quickly, I picked myself off and followed Wufei. Tao-Mee looked absolutely radiant, completely the opposite of when I had seen her any time before then, as she served her small family. She wasn't the only one either. You could have gotten radiation poisoning from every face at the table. Disgusted at myself, I stayed as far as I dared to be for Wufei's safety.
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The next three days were some of the most difficult for me. While I was trying to process my feelings, Wufei was just about the happiest since he was a baby. So, add his multiplied happiness to my self-pity, anger, and jealousy, and I was a right mess. I tried my best to numb myself to evertyhing. I was fairly certain that Dorothy was there, trying to get some soft of reaction from me, but all I could think about was the way things were before The Fall with Solo and the times I'd been around Wufei when he was a beautifully enigmatic child.
I can't help but smile even now when I think about Solo and I as we once were. But, I believe it's more of a sad, whimsical smile. Not at all like the full-on glow that takes me over whenever I am with or think about my love. Once, when talking, I equated Solo to my first love and Wufei as the most important...
...Okay, I'm a sap at heart. I'll admit it...
But, back to the story...
Finally, Friday arrived and Wufei was nervous over the way dinner would go, so Relena was over to calm him down. It wasn't really helping, as the boy was pacing trenches in his floor.
"Ugh, 'Fei, stop that," she said, getting up from his bed and placing her hands on his shoulders. "I have an idea."
"Hm?" he asked distractedly.
"Show me the new steps you're perfecting. I need something else to mess up."
The boy shook his head in mock misery. "Fine, but you will just mess it up too horribly to recognize." He took a few seconds to loosen up his muscles and then demonstrated a flawless execution of flowing kicks and punches, his body easing into the motions. He ended the whole gorgeous spectacle with a deep bow to the small replica of the dragon that was his family's guardian in the far corner of his room.
"Beautiful," Relena whispered.
- I agree, - I dared to think to him.
"Thank you," he responded. - Both of you. - "So, how badly will you mess this up?"
Oh, and that she did, but she was good natured about her failure. Wufei turned out to be a wise, patient and capable teacher as well. By the time Relena had gotten the timing and movements down, she was starting to resemble a slight mimic of her friend. Except when she looked over at the clock.
"'Fei, look at the time," she said from the floor, where she'd ended up after tripping herself. "You'd better get ready, or you'll miss your date." The last word was hardly out of her mouth as the door to the adjoining bathroom was slammed shut in her face. Shaking her head in amusement, she shouted good luck before she left.
I wanted to leave with her and an unusually pensive Noin. The other angel was quiet and didn't try to intrude into my broody mood. Part of me wondered if Hilde had gone back to Heaven and told the others to leave me alone or if they'd just decided that amongst themselves, since my sudden "moodiness" was scary to them. Either way, Ithere was very little contact with me since Solo's latest appearance. I felt like an outcast on one hand, but, on the other, I was enjoying the solitude I was being afforded. Actually, I wanted to be anywhere than next to Wufei that night.
No such luck existed for me though. Wufei reappeared in nothing but a towel wrapped around his slim hips, water clinging in droplets on his arms and chest, and dripping from his long, beautiful black hair. Just the sight of his nearly flawless golden skin in all of its wet magnifigence was enough to bring back the disturbing lack of self-control, the desire to touch him. With a silent roar, I left. To be anywhere but there was what I wanted. It was hell enough to have to watch him with Treize, but to watch him every second, especially at times like that, was just the icing on the unbearable cake.
Hilde was so wrong, and Solo was so right. I wasn't in love. I was consumed by my obsession for Wufei.
Even being as far as I could from my charge and his date didn't spare me the agony. I was too late. He was already falling in love.
TBC
