Sad...

Feb. 11th, 2013 11:54 am
makotosagara: (angst)
My very last grandparent has just passed away after living a long life. She was 76 with 6 children and more grandchildren and great grandchildren than would be prudent to count.

I, um, at this time, am going to withdraw a bit from fandom. I'll still write when the mood strikes, but it probably won't be anywhere near as often. Thank you for understanding.
makotosagara: (Default)
Computer crashed. Lost chapters in progress. Dunno when the next update will be. FML
makotosagara: (my drug)
Title: Maybe Angels Part Epilogue – By Your Side
Author: Makoto Sagara
Archives: the usual suspects; anywhere else, just ask
Category: Supernatural, Angst, Romance
Pairing(s): 2+5, 1+2, 3+1, 4+3, 4+2, H+4, 6+9, S+C, R+OC, 5+R (friendship), 13x5, eventual 2x5x2
Rating: T (13 )
Warnings: Shonen ai, OOC, AU, language, skewed views of a few different religions

Disclaimers: (sigh) No part of Mobile Suit Gundam Wing, or its characters, belongs to me. Any references to Dogma are just made because I adore the movie and Kevin Smith, and are meant only out of love and affection for both. Not a single cent was made off of this piece of fanfiction. Suing would be inevitably pointless, seeing as how I have no money. Flames -will- be used to entertain my rabid muses... All three of them... They live for the things.

A/N:

Symbols: -- change in scene, POV, or time
- Blah - in mind communication
-Blah- emphasized words


After reading all of Duo’s words for this project, I felt as if I should add some of my own to help outsiders understand my perspective of things. When he spoke of his last conversation with God, I have no real memory of it – aside from the thrill that passed through our connection. And I still get a get chill down my back when I think about it. I was never what one would call a religious ma, but since I am now married to a literal Angel, I guess that has certainly changed.

To say that he is beautiful is extremely inadequate. He has been what I have been looking for in another being for as long as I can remember. The first time that I saw him, I was floored. His flowing brown hair, large violet-blue eyes, and heart-shaped face stole my breath away. I was actually -angry- with him when he began to shape shift to please me.

I have always felt the compulsion to touch him. Growing up, I couldn’t shake the feeling of some sort of emptiness. My aunt always told me that it was because I missed my mother. While that made sense to me logically, it never felt as if it was correct. My sister never had a similar experience as was not the most sympathetic creature to anyone else.

When I first beheld him sitting comfortably in my desk chair, it was if someone had punched me in the stomach. I vaguely remember what I said to him at the time, but my heart was racing and my mouth was dry for hours after we spoke. Of course, Chang Li’s actions pushed all of the budding impure thoughts I was having about Duo to the back of my mind.

Relena has always been ore like my twin sister than Meiran ever was, and she noticed the changes in me even before I was aware that they had occurred. She has proven to be one of the only people that I can trust, for any number of reasons. When I realized what I felt was more than I could handle on my own, I had her swear on pain of death before I vaguely told her about the situation. Luckily, after a little squealing and strange girlish behaviour, she advised me to be patient and see how things progressed.

On my first sighting of Soliriel, I was unsure of what I was actually seeing. Whenever I saw Duo or Quatre, they seemed to shine from within. The demon was similar to a black hole – all light seemed to be sucked in his direction, with nothing being given back. His features were only vaguely hinted at so that his decided gender wasn’t even discernible. I wasn’t sure how to behave, but the feeling of hatred and Duo’s reaction was more than enough for me to demand answers.

And I received them, and more, from my Personal Angel. For his compliance with my demand, however, he was punished and restricted to Heaven for four years. The entire time that we were separated there wasn’t a moment that I didn’t think of him and try to call him to my side, even though Quatre explained the situation to me.

During that time, Meiran and I began to feel more and more like strangers as she became the popular head cheerleader and I became her geeky, overachieving brother who amassed enough credits to graduate as the valedictorian of the class before his friends and sister. Relena thought it was cool that I left early because then she could say that her best friend was already a college student, and it gave her the chance to become valedictorian of her own class. My father and aunt were extremely proud, and threw a large party to celebrate – and brag to all of our neighbors and family about how smart I was. My father was so forward thinking, but there were some things that traditional ways of thinking seemed to consume him, such as our schooling.

I had just started classes at university when I ran into Treize Khushrenada. He was the TA in my Human Studies class. I must now confess that his red hair and blue eyes struck me as an amazing combination. It didn’t hurt that he was tall, handsome, and well-bred. He and I began discussing the class load that I had and discovered that we both engaged in swordplay, albeit different styles. What began as harmless talking and light flirting became extremely different as we spent more time together.

However, I still knew that Diachriel would be returning, so a part of me was still rather reserved around the aristocratic redhead. I could feel his eyes as soon as he arrived, but if I had stopped to acknowledge his presence, my sparring partner would have gotten the upper hand, and that has always been unacceptable. I wanted to cry for joy when I heard his voice again, reaffirming my memory of it being deep, rich, and just the tiniest bit playful at all times. I struggled to keep my body in check as I laid my eyes upon him, as I had the insane impulse to pin him to the mats in the gym and rip off all of our clothes.

The longer he was back, the more frequent those thoughts occurred, leaving me sexually frustrated all the time. Now I know that it wasn’t just my feelings causing all of this, but I found myself near the edge all the time. It resulted in me masturbating every time I took a shower.

Then, things with Solo started happening again, and Duo began withdrawing and getting moody. I came out to my sister, the wedding preparations and my relationship with Treize got more serious all at the same time. I started lashing out at Duo physically then. To be honest, I was dying to get some sort of reaction out of him. I wanted him, Angel or not, Solo or not, Treize or not. Everyone else could go to Hell as far as I was concerned.

On the day of my father’s wedding, I sound to have him do something, but he wimped out on me, and I took it out on him by sleeping with Treize for the first and only time.

And then, my stupid sister got herself and Hiroshi in that car accident that changed the whole family and signified the beginning of the end of….

I am sorry. That bastard killed my entire family and ruined that part of my life. Not to mention the fact that he attempted to keep Duo and I apart for good.

Looking at his sleeping face and knowing that there is nothing he would not do for me makes me feel an overwhelming sense of love and devotion. Things are not always perfect, but they are almost always good, and I would not ask for anything else. He and I have shared many years together now, and I hope that we have many more.

Hm, now I shall end what I intended to only be a few short paragraphs and has taken on a life of its own. Thank you for reading this story so faithfully.

- Chang Wufei

Why are you looking for love?
Why are you still searching as if I'm not enough?
To where will you go child?
Tell me where will you run,
To where will you run.
And I'll be by your side
Wherever you fall
In the dead of night
Whenever you call
And please don't fight
These hands that are holding you
My hands are holding you
~ By Your Side, by Tenth Ave North

June 2015

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